Snapshots of Life
by alter yi
Summary: Tsuna's life has never been normal. Not when he's jumping around from the past to the future to the more distant future and back to the past. Because the holder of the Sky Mare Ring jumps around parallel worlds so why can't the holder of the Sky Vongola Ring jump around time? Latest Chapter: Chrome smiles sweetly at him and pretends she hasn't been making a army
1. Chapter 1

**Welcome to Middle School (Six years old and terrified)**

 **~()~**

If there was anything that the town had gotten used to over the years, it was seeing one Sawada Tsunayoshi pass out for an inexplicable meaning. At times like these, it was best to just ignore him and continue doing whatever they were doing. Tsuna would just wake up in a couple of minutes. No need to raise a fuss.

So when they heard a head collide with desk, no one thought anything off it, something that Tsuna was grateful for.

It meant he could slam his head onto the desk and hope it could jumpstart his brain so it could magically figure out algebra for him. Algebra! He couldn't even multiply or divide without using a calculator, and here he was, in some classroom, sitting at a desk while his teacher droned on and on about letters and something called the quadratic equation. Was that even math?! Weren't they just re-teaching the alphabet instead?

He kept his head down up until the lunch bell rang, ending the lesson. He heard the doors opened and his classmates trickle out of the room, chattering loudly.

"I can't do this anymore."

If there was anything a six-year-old Tsuna was not used to, it was suddenly being thrown in a middle school classroom when he hadn't even had the chance to attend grade school yet. And he didn't even want to remember the time he had to attend high school on the day of a math test. And that was only two days ago!

What in the world was future Tsuna doing in pre-calculus?!

 **~()~**

 **AN:** So here's a funny idea I got waaay back in 2014, where Tsuna's mind gets transported through time. It's been sitting in my drive for years, so I decided to work on it for a little while before posting it here. Mostly because I need to get these ideas out.

Anyway, chapters are probably gong to be this short (around 200 words) because this is a fun little project that I refuse to work hard on (except maybe for figuring out the timeline). I just write ideas as they come to me. Updates will be sporadic, if not nonexistent. You have been warned.

Well, hope you enjoy reading.


	2. Chapter 2

**Called Out by a Teacher (Math is hard)**

 **~()~**

A thirty-two-year-old Tsuna sat opposite from his pre-calculus teacher, maintaining a polite smile as the balding man ranted on about his abysmal pre-calculus test scores. He had vague, very vague memories of having to take the same exact test in the early years of his life and nearly passing out not for the usual reasons.

He looked back down at his test and wow were there a lot of red marks. Ah, and there was the random sine his younger self scribbled down when the problem asked for the area under a polynomial.

 _No, me, you don't use trigonometry on anything that's not a triangle._

And then there was the many, many simple mistakes he made on the part of the test that didn't allow calculators.

His education was so messed up if his younger self knew trigonometry before his times table. Oh, how he wanted to laugh.

Because just last week, he was sitting in a second-grade classroom, nearly falling asleep as the teacher was explaining multiplication. And fifteen years in the future, a five-year-old Tsuna was being taught Italian by Mukuro and Byakuran—Gokudera volunteered, but Ryohei pointed out the extreme flaws in his teaching style and Tsuna was already attached to Byakuran (the horror) and no one had the courage to separate them in fear of seeing Tsuna, who was in the body of an adult, shed tears.

Tsuna (the thirty-two-year-old one) blamed Byakuran for all of his character flaws.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** A follow-up to the last chapter kind of. If anyone's curious, Tsuna's in pre-calc because Reborn signed him up for that class without Tsuna's consent.


	3. Chapter 3

**Meetings in the Eyes of a Child (Totally not playing Crazy Eights)**

 **~()~**

He really wanted to throw a temper tantrum, but Reborn was all, "No, a mafia boss must keep calm, no matter what his age is."

Well Tsuna was eight years old, and if one more person at this meeting complained about his choice in allies, he was going to be like Byakuran, walk out those doors, and binge on sweets. Oh sure, everyone was complaining about the Shimon Family, but what about the Millefiore Family? Didn't they try to take over the world with a couple of rings and nearly try to kill the Vongola?

Granted, it did happen in a future that was erased, so most people didn't even know about it, Tsuna included, and Byakuran seemed genuinely less power-hungry and more...Byakuran-ish.

That didn't even make sense.

Anyways, old men were arguing about allies and budget cuts and all sorts of things that Tsuna wasn't interested in, so he kept himself awake by playing cards with Hayato's nine-year old son and Ryohei's twelve-year-old daughter and ten-year-old son, who were hiding under the table.

It was nice no one paid much attention to him to notice how he was constantly glancing down or how Hayato was subtly gesturing to his son that he was officially grounded.

Tsuna remembered being five years old and watching Hayato freak out because his wife was in labor and he'd been kicked out of the hospital room because all his pacing was not helping the doctors. So out of curiosity, Tsuna had asked Hayato where babies came from.

Tsuna still didn't know the answer to that, but maybe he would later.

Akira and Iemochi had to come from somewhere, after all.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Can you imagine Gokudera freaking out because he doesn't know what to do when his twenty-something-year-old boss with the mental age of five asks him where babies come from? Like, does he tell the truth like a good subordinate and traumatize the kid like a bad subordinate or does he lie like a bad one but preserve the five-year-old's innocence? And then Yamamoto has to bail him out with a laugh and suggests they play a game while they wait. Tsuna's five, so he likes playing games with these nice adults who don't tease him like the kids at school do. By school, he means Namimori Middle School.


	4. Chapter 4

**Five Minutes with the Future (Reborn doesn't get his student)**

 **~()~**

Reborn found himself reaching for a gun to shoot Iemitsu with because how did that man not know that his son suffered from fainting spells? How did he not know? And that's not the worst part. The worst part was how he conversed with Adult Lambo as if he understood what was happening in the future.

"Yeah, tell Hayato to try and not murder Dino. I'm sure Dino didn't mean to trip and fall into the wedding cake."

"I'm still waiting for a funeral. You promised me a funeral."

"My funeral or someone else's? Because my funeral is in a couple of weeks."

"You're joking."

"I think I'd like my coffin just sitting outside in the middle of a forest. Closed, but with air holes in it so I don't suffocate."

"...You're not joking. You're crazy."

"I expect a performance worthy of an Oscar. I'll provide the script."

Lambo shook his head and opened his mouth to say something just before pink smoke replaced the adult with a child covered in frosting.

Nothing really made sense, though Reborn could see Dino being clumsy at someone's wedding. Now, tripping into a wedding cake? Unforgivable. He was going to teach him to be around his subordinates, especially during formal events, if he had to pound it into his head. But first, he had to ask Tsuna how he knew Dino before Reborn even got the chance to introduce him.

"But it would be boring to just tell you," his student said, pouting.

And weeks later, when DIno visited Namimori for the first time, Tsuna's eyes lit up and cried, "Horse-nii-chan!" to the everlasting surprise of Dino.

No one told Reborn that he was dealing with a six-year-old at the time.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Guess what Tsuna's alluding to! XD

Okay, but in all honesty, the Future Arc was the first thing I thought about when I started writing this. A lot of chapters kinda focus on it. So when he was talking to Lambo, Tsuna's mentally sixty or something and gets a kick out of making people think he's insane and/or senile. Meanwhile, the day six-year-old Tsuna meets Dino is also the day he's pounding his head on the desk because algebra.


	5. Chapter 5

**Stuck Ten Years in the Future (Hayato has questions. Many questions)**

 **~()~**

Hayato was fifteen and stuck ten years in the future, staring at a very tall, ten-years-older Yamamoto Takeshi, who didn't seem to have changed a bit. Mentally, at least.

The scar was new.

"Don't tell me you think this is all still a game when Tenth got put in a _coffin_!" He gestured at Tsuna, who was also stuck ten years in the future. Imagine Hayato's surprise when he saw Tsuna sitting in a coffin filled with lilies and the Vongola's Crest on it.

Yamamoto's eyes turned sharp as he eyes Tsuna. "Yes, that was unexpected. Really unexpected."

Tsuna raised his hands up in the air. "I'm only thirteen. I don't know a thing!" He almost sounded like he was whining.

He was fifteen. Why was he claiming to be thirteen?

"You gave us a script."

What script? A script for what?

"I don't know a thing!" Tsuna maintained. "Ask me again when I'm thirty or something."

"You were eighteen."

"So when I'm eighteen, I want to destroy the Millefiore?!"

Why did he sound so horrified?

"Just...ask Hibari or Ryohei or Hana to explain it to you." Yamamoto laughed, scratching the back of his neck. "I didn't really get it when you were explaining it to me."

"Time travel," Hayato heard Tsuna hiss.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** None of the Guardians find out about Tsuna's 'condition' until Byakuran visits Namimori in the present and Tsuna acts like he's an old friend. I need to write that chapter sometime. Oh well. Welcome to the future, where Tsuna's horrified because he likes Byakuran and can't imagine ever hating Byakuran!

 **EDIT:** Changed Tsuna's age from eleven to thirteen because no one told me I had two different ages for the same period.


	6. Chapter 6

**Enter Varia! (Knowing the future doesn't mean knowing everything)**

 **~()~**

The thing about Xanxus is that when you're a nine-year-old, his face made you want to scream. Tsuna, after surviving through Reborn's cram sessions of what a mafia boss should and should not do, just barely managed to to actually scream, though it wasn't because of his face.

He choked instead because _how was that baby Mammon_?! First Reborn was a baby, and then Colonello was a baby, and now Mammon was a baby? But they were older than him?! How?

But no,Tsuna wanted to scream because why was the guy who killed about a dozen men right in front of him (It was during a meeting and Tsuna still has no grasp on mafia politics and therefore, had no idea why there were so many people pointing guns at him all of a sudden. Scariest day of his life) the one he had to compete with for the rings?

Nuh-uh. Not happening. He was resigning. The ring was too big for Tsuna's finger anyway. It would fit perfectly on Xanxus's.

"Can I just give the ring to him?"

"No," Reborn replied.

Damn.

How did he ever beat Xanxus? Did he even beat Xanxus or did Xanxus just give him the ring for some reason? Actually, wasn't Xanxus the Ninth's adopted son? And the Vongola ring could only be inherited by those with Primo's blood flowing through them. So didn't that mean Xanxus was disqualified?

Why was everything so confusing?

"Please tell me their Cloud isn't that frog guy," he muttered to himself. Out of the corner of his eyes, he saw Reborn giving him an odd look, but Tsuna didn't care. His head's hurting too much.

Next thing he knew, he surrendered to the familiar feeling he got whenever he fainted.

And when he woke up, there was Squalo, decapitating a man.

"Why do you guys always have to kill in front of me?!"

"Voi! We're assassins! What else do you expect us to do!?"

His life was so messed up.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Welcome to the messed up life of Tsuna. It's Varia, it's Xanxus. What else am I supposed to say in these author notes?


	7. Chapter 7

**Happy Birthday to You! (The Beginning of Tsuna's Life)**

 **~()~**

The first time Tsuna fainted, it was on his fourth birthday, right after he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. So four-year-old Tsuna was transported to his twenty-six-year-old body, leaving a forty-one-year-old in his four-year-old body.

It was really creepy because he was mentally older than his mother, who had been fussing over him and wondering if she needed to go to the hospital.

So Tsuna made Nana the first person to know about his…"condition." That whenever he fainted, it would usually be because his mind was being transported to another time. And by the way, Iemitsu actually worked for the mafia and Tsuna was going to end up as a mafia boss

The second person to know was Hana. She was too sharp, even as a child, so when Tsuna let it slip that she and Kyoko were going to be sisters, she hounded him for answers.

She was scarier than Hibari when she wanted answers.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Some people think that Tsuna acts mature because he wants Hana to like him. They couldn't be more wrong.

So Nana knows and Hana knows, but does anyone else know? Nope. Not until another eleven or so years. Well, maybe Nana told Tsuyoshi while their boys holed themselves in Takeshi's room, Tsuna trying to teach Takeshi. And maybe they also told the Sasagawas. And the Hibaris.

Basically, all the parents know and no one mentions it to Tsuna because they thought someone else would have.

More ideas. Stop it.


	8. Chapter 8

**Marshmallows of Doom (A slightly more serious chapter)**

 **~()~**

When Tsuna handed them the script and they look at the title, many people's first thoughts were, "Oh no."

"Operation: Marshmallow," was the title.

"You've been spending too much time with Byakuran," said Gokudera, groaning.

"Is that such a bad thing?" Byakuran asked him.

"Well, I did work on the script with some help from Byakuran."

"Is this another play that we're putting on for the kids to the extreme?"

"It...depends on your definiton of kids," said Tsuna.

"Tsuna, a mafia boss shouldn't beat around the bush. Hurry up and tell them before I shoot you." Reborn cocked his gun as he spoke, his threat not an empty one.

Tsuna gulped. "So do you all remember that time when we were sent ten years to the future and how Byakuran tried to kill us all?"

Ryohei was confused, Takeshi was smiling blankly, Lambo was slowly leaning away from his crazy boss, Chrome flipped through the script, Mukuro was chuckling darkly, Hibari was as stoic as usual, and lihtbulbs were going off in Gokudera's head.

"Don't tell me…"

"So, in order to maintain a stable time loop, you're going to enact that all over again, only this time, you're the group that gets to go inside the white machine. Do we have a name for that?"

"Nope," said Spanner.

"We didn't have the time to think up of a name between the, you know, actual building of the machine and created that bullet that's going to _kill_ you," Shouichi elaborated, looking more and more uneasy.

Tsuna nodded, looking at Byakuran before facing his Guardians. "So all of you can go outside and read the script while I stay here with Byakuran and Reborn and get shot in the head. By Reborn. Just like the good ol' days."

He ignored the shouts of protest and shut the door in their faces.

He tried his best to reassure them with a smile, but that was more Takeshi's thing. Tsuna's thing was to get shot in the head by Reborn with a special bullet and not die.

"So all the Arcobaleno know that they have to lay low? And the Giglio Nero are completely fine with this? And—"

He's not used to manipulating future events. Usually, it was fine to just act like he normally would, and that wouldn't affect the future too much. But was this really okay? Too many people were going to get hurt. Kyouko and Haru and the kids and—

"It's too late for regrets," Reborn said, raising his gun, jolting Tsuna back to reality.

Next to him, Byakuran smiled. "Goodbye, Tsunayoshi-kun."

And with a bang, the world went black.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Well then.

A glimpse of Tsuna's mind when he's trying to preserve the timeline. Because in one parallel world, Byakuran really was trying to destroy the Vongola, but since Tsuna defeated him, Yuni erased the probability of it ever happening again in another parallel world. Meaning that Tsuna's in other parallel worlds don't have to deal with being stuck in the future trying to defeat a megalomaniac. Which...is kind of bad for Tsuna because he gets a horrible headache when things change from what he remembers.

The downsides of jumping around time.

So he's forced to re-enact the whole thing to preserve the timeline and also, how else will his guardians get their box weapons and learn about flames without the events in the future? So it's kind of a necessary evil, I guess.

There's a reason his Guardians are the last to get a script. No, they never found out that everything was orchestrated until ten years later when they get a script.

When Byakuran's "defeated," they all take turns squeezing the life out of him and demanding answers and yelling because they're Family; how could he keep something like that from them?


	9. Chapter 9

**The Evils of Life (Oh hey, Pineapples)**

 **~()~**

When Mukuro first met Tsuna, Tsuna was mentally thirty-six and wondering whose idea it was to make Mukuro his Mist Guardian. Mukuro was trying to kill him and someone decided that they'd let Mukuro protect him?

How did that work?

(It had to have worked somehow because Mukuro wasn't actively trying to kill him in the future. No, it was the other way around. Tsuna couldn't count how many times he wanted to kill Mukuro—or any of his Guardian, really—because of all the paperwork he caused.

Paperwork. His mortal enemy since he was four. That and math.)

Mukuro possessing Lanchia and forcing him to kill his entire family? Completely unexpected. Hibird originally belonging to a creepy old man? Also completely unexpected.

Hibari hating cherry blossoms because Shamal made him allergic to them and Mukuro took advantage of that? ...Tsuna could actually see that happening.

Leon flying up in the sky and spitting out wool—nice, fluffy, and warm—mittens. That broke so many laws of nature, and Tsuna didn't think it could happen even with the aid of flames.

Now how did _that_ work?

 **~()~**

 **AN:** So really, how does a chameleon produce wool mittens? There's no explanation for the things Leon does. Do any of the other Arcobaleno's pet do inexplicable things? No, just this really odd chameleon that's probably a UMA.

Hey, Hayato, if you want a UMA to study, there's one right under your nose!

 **EDIT:** Changed Tsuna's age from 9 to 36. Let older Tsuna get in on early Vongola madness.


	10. Chapter 10

**The Trials of a Sixteen-Year-Old (Does it count as adult supervision when he's mentally a child?)**

 **~()~**

"Dad. Dad, no. Stop. Dad!"

Iemochi slapped his forehead as he watched his dad try to bake a cake. _Try_. Dad, who had just woken up from a fainting spell ten minutes ago and had been told that he was supposed to bake a cake for his wife's birthday (and to babysit his two kids who _absolutely_ did not need babysitting). Dad, who was pouring adding cups of sugar and teaspoons of milk to the batter mix. Dad, who was just Dad.

Watching Dad was like watching a trainwreck.

"Daddy just spilled milk all over the floor," Akira pointed out, sipping orange juice and standing by the microwave. Which was currently making popcorn. Not because he was going to watch a movie or anything. Who needed the home theater and Netflix when you could watch your dad bake a cake instead of helping him?

Iemochi hated his brother. Just saying.

"Dad, could you just...stand in the corner and not move? I'm sure Mom will understand."

And hopefully she won't kill them for making a mess in the kitchen. It looked worse than the time Aunt Bianchi used it.

"Sorry about this...Akira?"

Iemochi, cleaning the honey off a whisk, turned around. "I'm Iemochi."

"Oh, right," said Dad, looking down and ashamed of himself.

Iemochi had to remind himself that Dad was currently seven. Seven. As in, less than half of his age. _Seven_.

When Akira was seven, he was the perfect definition of a little shit. When Dad was seven? He was some kind of timid mouse or something, and Iemochi could not see the resemblance. At all.

Whoever said that seven was a lucky number needed to be shot.

"Akira, could you call Mom and tell her that Dad's seven?"

"That's a horrible birthday present, Mochi," Akira replied, now in the living room, chomping on popcorn and getting crumbs and grease on the sofa that Iemochi _just cleaned_.

(Anyone who said Akira wasn't a little shit clearly never had to live with him.)

Speaking of birthday presents, Dad hid his birthday present somewhere and now no one knew where it was. Mom had to have the patience of a saint for not divorcing him after the other six times this happened.

"Hello? No, nothing's wrong…I think. Except, well, uh, I've been kicked out of the kitchen?" There was a pause while Iemochi and Akira looked at their dad. He was on the phone, probably talking to Mom. "I'm only seven! You remember when I was six and tried to bake a cake? Okay, so that was twenty years ago for you, but still! I can't bake when my only teacher's been Bianchi!"

Oh dear Lord, that explained so much. Iemochi, while beating the egg whites, opened a drawer with his foot. There was a cookbook in there, _Baking for Kids_.

Dad had a funny face on when Mom bought it for Iemochi. A really funny face.

Which probably meant that Iemochi was going to teach his dad how to bake. Wow.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** FYI, Iemochi's 16 and Akira's 13 and I love writing siblings who call each other little shits

Man, Tsuna's family has to deal with the weirdest things. Besides the whole Reborn popping out of nowhere, flames on their dad's head and hands, the various screams and yells when the Varia's nearby, illusionists...

Is a seven-year-old dad really the weirdest thing in their life? Hmm


	11. Chapter 11

**Waking from the Grave (Eighteen and already going mad)**

 **~()~**

When Tsuna woke up and pushed open the lid of a coffin, he wondered what his future self was doing in a coffin. In the middle of a forest. With actual lilies surrounding him. Wow, how much money went into making a fake coffin and those lilies? Viper was going to chew someone out for wasting money on such trivial things.

Hopefully not him.

"You're here!"

Tsuna turned to see a twenty-four-year-old Hayato walking towards him. 'You're here,' was a strange choice of words, Tsuna felt. Something more along the lines of 'you're awake' was what Tsuna was used to hearing and expected to hear.

Hayato knelt by the side of the coffin, setting down his briefcase and grabbing Tsuna by the shoulders. Tightly. For some reason, his hands felt bigger than usual.

"Err, Hayato?" Tsuna asked. Sure he was in a coffin, but surely he knew that Tsuna wasn't actually dead. Not when Tsuna had heard a seventeen-year-old Hayato talk about how boss-like Tsuna's forty-six-year-old self was.

"Tenth. I love you and I respect you and I'd do anything for you, but _Tenth_." Hayato's eyes bored into his, nearly making Tsuna flinch at their intensity. " _You_ are a _complete_ _madman_."

Wow. What in the world did future him ever do to Gokudera?

If it made Hayato of all people call him a madman, Tsuna didn't really want to know.

Hayato opened his mouth to say more, but then he was swallowed up by pink smoke. Lambo's bazooka struck again, it seemed.

"Tenth?! But I thought I was sent ten years in the future!"

That was an odd thing to say. Tsuna hit a growth spurt when he was around sixteen physically, so Hayato wasn't supposed to say that…

Wait a minute…

Wait a minute!

"You mean I got hit by Lambo's bazooka?!"

No, but he was positive that he had been there for more than five minutes. So...but…

He was thirteen mentally, and fifteen physically, just like he was before he woke up in the coffin. And it wasn't like he remembered fainting.

Actually, he did remember asking Lambo why Reborn still wasn't back…

Huh. Maybe he did get hit by the bazooka.

"By the way, Tenth, this kind of looks like a coffin…"

"It is. Apparently, my future self's a, uh, madman."

Hayato completely ignored Tsuna's comment on being a madman and focused more on the fact that he was in a coffin, what was future him(Hayato) doing?!

And then Lal attacked because why not? Make the whole situation more confusing, why didn't she?

What, was this some kind of game the Vongola were playing? Some kind of survival game or tournament or training exercise or something? Because if sticking himself in a coffin was part of some kind of game, then yeah, Tsuna could imagine future him being called a madman.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Wow, this got updated fast. Wow, Tsuna, you're ten years in the future and the first thing you notice is 'somebody wasted a lot of money for this and the old miser isn't going to be happy about this.' Just wait until you see what else 'somebody' wasted money on

Like the really realistic pretend war between you and Byakuran. And the apology gifts you bought to make up to your guardians for being a madman and faking your own death.


	12. Chapter 12

**The Date - Part 1: Too Young to Die (The woes of a herbivore)**

 **~()~**

He likes Kyoko. What's there to not like about her? She's the school Madonna, the ray of sunshine, the kindest and most beautiful girl ever to grace the humble town of Namimori. He has to date her at least one.

The problem is that he's already dating someone else, and he knows how jealous his current girlfriend will get. (Dating is his way of showing a girl how wonderful she is, only the problem is there's only one of him and way too many girls. Some people don't know how to share. Most people don't, surprisingly.) The other problem is that he's pretty sure Tsuna has already claimed her as _his_.

There are things Mochida will and will not do to date a girl, and fighting Tsuna to date a girl in his pack—because Mochida's 99 percent sure Tsuna's a leader of a pack that includes Kyoko, Hana, Takeshi, Ryohei, and _Kyouya of all people_ —is up there on the top of the list of things he will not do.

(Mochida blames Kyouya for his habits of comparing human society to animal groups because their dads are cousins—which makes them second-cousins, horrifyingly enough. He also blames their parents for making them interact, as if that would cure Kyouya of his odd social behaviors. Haha. Well jokes on them because it is _contagious_.)

It will be a cold day in hell when Mochida admits that he is a herbivore to anyone but Hibari. A herbivore who's competing with all the other boys to be head of the herd. A herbivore that a carnivore might just kill one day.

Mochida's not sure what Kyouya thinks Tsuna is, but it sure as hell isn't a herbivore.

Hopefully, he's not as territorial as Kyouya is or else Mochida is _dead_. Because guess whose fellow kendo club members decided to ask Kyoko out on a date in his stead. Guess who's constantly looking over his shoulder because she said yes.

It's him.

His club members are bleeding hearts and they also believe that Tsuna's a shy little mouse who can't harm a fly. His club members don't realize that Tsuna regularly, _regularly_ , hangs out with Kyouya, and Mochida has seen Tsuna drag Kyouya to his house to join him for dinner. More than one or two times.

His house, which Mochida knows has at least three children, Sawada Nana, that weird baby who sounds a lot like Kyouya's maternal uncle, a woman who's in love with said baby and is the brother of one Gokudera Hayato, Gokudera Hayato himself, occasionally Yamamoto Takeshi…

Mochida could go on forever but his point is: Dinner over there is the very definition of crowding and Kyouya lets himself go there semi-frequently. Mochida's first cousin once-removed—which is Kyouya's father—stopped by the Mochida household months ago and nearly cried at how well his son was making friends.

Therefore, Tsuna, who faints about twenty times a year, is a miracle worker. Anyone who crosses him or his pack, will be subjected to the wrath of everyone else in his pack. Mochida is understandably paranoid as he exits the school.

And then he sees Kyouko, standing by the gates with Hana and Gokudera and—oh dear God—Tsuna. She also sees him.

"Mochida-kun! I'm looking forward to Saturday!" she says, waving eagerly at him as he tries to speed away.

Mochida stops and turns. Fraternizing with Tsuna's pack was bad enough, but ignoring and not showing proper respect to the pack—especially in front of their leader—would be worse. With a tentative wave, he replies. "Yeah. Really looking forward to it."

Looking forward to dying, that is.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Accidentally started writing in present tense and The first in the Date Saga. Mochida's just doesn't appear much in fanfics besides that one kendo match and that one mention during the Kokuyo Arc. Pretty sure I butchered his characterization, but I like this paranoid, herbivorous Mochida. If we're going with animal comparisons, I like to imagine him as a red deer, with antlers to fight off and a harem of females. (Male red deer have harems, fyi. I spent too much time researching that.)

And Kyouya's a mute swan. Beautiful to look at until you cross its territory(its nest) and it attacks you. (Also spent more time than necessary researching this.)

If you haven't noticed by now, this is also the au where I throw in random ideas about Kyouya's social skills and relatives among other things. And no, just because Mochida thinks he's going to die for dating Kyouko does not necessarily mean she's Tsuna's wife.


	13. Chapter 13

**Ace Attorney Ryohei Sasagawa (Tsuna's too young to be in court)**

 **~()~**

Hana was a prosecutor. It was her job to make sure criminals—that weren't part of the Vongola or their allies—couldn't lie and cheat their way out of the law and to make sure that they were stuck behind bars.

That was fine.

What wasn't fine was being a defense attorney having to defend your own boss. Just because he married a prosecutor did not mean he had any talent with law. His talent was shouting 'objection' at the top of his lungs. Like now.

The judge sighed. "And what do you have to say this time? The prosecution has not yet finished questioning the victim."

The 'victim' was a man with a curly mustache and a rose between his teeth. Was that an Italian thing? Ryohei didn't quite understand it.

"First the defendant vandalizes my prized garden and now his lawyer interrupts me. Is all the middle-class this boorish?" the victim asked.

Ryohei would like a boxing ring, some boxing gloves, and a nice sparring partner.

"Yes, yes, please elaborate on that first part. How did the defendant vandalize your garden?" the prosecutor asked.

"He crashed into it! I was watering my roses when I heard this horrible squeal. And when I looked, I saw his car crashing through my gate and running over my flowers and sculptures before crashing into and destroying the fountain!" Was it just him or was that rose wilting? "And the whole time, he was wearing this malicious grin!"

It was extremely hard to imagine Tsuna wearing a smile that wasn't sincere and innocent. Malicious grin? Extremely, _extremely,_ impossible to happen in real life. To the extreme.

"And what does the defense have to say about this?"

Ryohei stood up. "Sawada is extremely innocent!" He looked down at the note Hana scribbled on his hand. "I'd like to call Sawada to the stand!"

Moments passed as Tsuna made his way to the stand. He sent Ryohei a pleading look. Ryohei answered back with a grin and a thumbs up.

"Now, will the defendant please testify?"

"Um…" Tsuna looked everywhere for help. His eyes stopped when he reached the audience, where Ryohei was sure most of the other Guardians were sitting. Or standing, in Hibari's case. "In my defense, I don't remember taking a driver's test or getting a driver's license, so I think I wasn't at the wheel."

There was another note on Ryohei's hand, written by himself. "Sawada is seven."

"'You think'? Did you lose your memories?"

"Your Honor," the prosecutor spoke up. "Mister Sawada was admitted into the hospital with only a few minor injuries and absolutely no head trauma to speak of. Ergo, it is not possible for him to have lost his memories."

Well when you're seven, you don't remember anything that happened when you're...How old had he been again? Forty-something?

"Objection!" Ryohei shouted. All eyes turned to him, and not a word was spoken.

The judge cleared his throat. "Well? What are you objecting to?"

Oh. He had to say that, too. Hmm. Oh, he got it.

"Sawada only has memories of when he was seven or younger!"

"I just said that it is impossible for him to have lost his memories, much less that much," said the prosecutor.

"But it's the truth." And for good measure, he added, "To the extreme."

"Then tell me how Mister Sawada lost his memories."

Saying that his consciousness was being transported to another time was weird and classified information. So Ryohei went with the next best thing.

"He fainted."

"Fainting does not cause amnesia!"

Were people's faces supposed to be that red? Or was this another Italian thing?

"Well it did."

What else was he supposed to say that wasn't a secret? Ryohei wracked his brain. Oh right.

"Objection!"

"Mister Sasagawa, what are you objecting to?"

"How Sawada lost his memory doesn't matter. He's still innocent!" And for good measure again, "To the extreme!"

The prosecutor blinked. Then he straightened his back, regaining his composure. "Yes, whether he lost his memories doesn't matter. It doesn't change the fact that he ruined my client's garden with malicious intent!"

"Objection!"

That...was not Ryohei this time. Nope, that voice belonged to a certain Storm Guardian who had been gone since last night.

Never would Ryohei have thought that he would have been so glad to see Hayato.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Most of my courtroom knowledge comes from the Ace Attorney series and I did not want to spend time researching how a trial is actually held. If there's anything really jarring and painfully inaccurate, please tell me and I'll do my best to fix it. (No promises because I'm aiming for humor) On another note, I present to you The Trial pt 1. :D

I think I forgot about Ryohei for a while, so to make it up to him, I made a chapter for him. Tsuna is physically 22 and Ryohei's 23. Mister Victim's in the middle of suing Tsuna right now because (please go with it because I don't want to research this) insurance covers more if it was on purpose than when it's an accident.

I just wanted to write about Tsuna and his driving problems, okay? And about the court questioning why he can't remember something.

Also, I keep forgetting to mention this, but I'd like to say **thank you** to everyone who's reviewed, followed, and favorited this story and enjoyed this crazy idea of mine. m(_)m


	14. Chapter 14

**Prosecutor in the Making (Old men ramble too much)**

 **~()~**

"So are you a time traveler now?"

"Er, I guess? For lack of a better word?"

Young Hana is almost the same as Old Hana, with sharp eyes and her arms crossed. The only differences are the obvious, superficial things: height, age, hair. She also has all her baby teeth, which Tsuna finds adorable.

(Just a few days ago, his son tried to surprise him by jumping on top of him from the balcony, which was intended to be a present for Tsuna's thirty-fifth birthday. He ended up losing at least three teeth after landing into Gokudera instead.

Tsuna had fainted just as Gokudera grounded Akira. He would then wake up as an eight-year-old and watch as Iemochi shoved a napkin in Akira's mouth.)

But the one thing that makes Hana be less of an adorable child and more of the merciless truth-seeker she is as an adult is her habit of calling boys monkeys. All boys. Whether they are the same age as her or ten years older, she never fails to call them a monkey. Even Hibari. Even her father. Even the high school delinquents. Even _mafiosi_ and known _murderers_. Even...

Well, the point is, for someone who claimed to have a healthy amount of self-preservation, she didn't. Not really.

(Tsuna has a lot of memories of grabbing her hand and getting the hell out of dodge and then getting teased for having a girlfriend because they were holding hands. (Transitioning from Italian culture to Japanese culture usually takes a while for Tsuna, and he's made many of his friends blush just by grabbing their hand or hugging them.) Which is why, in his best man speech at Ryohei's wedding, he gladly relinquished the duty of keeping her out of danger to Ryohei.

Still didn't make his life any less hectic.)

"And you're saying that, in the future, I marry Kyoko's brother?"

But back on the topic of having to tell Hana about his condition. 'Chronological Disorder,' Shamal termed it. Because he was used to speaking freely around his mom and Hana, he kind of sort of...forgot that this four-year-old Hana didn't know yet.

Oops.

(As for how he met four-year-old Hana, Nana took him to a park to 'play' and make 'new' friends. In other words, 'go meet your old friends and be soothed by the adorableness of little children.' That's actually creepy to say as a forty-one-year-old. It's weird for a four-year-old to say, too. He's just going to shut up now before he embarrasses himself. Anyway, he bumped into Takeshi, said hi and bye, bumped into Haru, said hi and bye, bumped into Kyoko and Hana…

And got dragged into a sandbox before he could say hi and bye.

And then, when Kyoko briefly went to get lunch from her mom, Tsuna told Hana, "Your sister-in-law is too energetic." Slip of the tongue.

Which brings Tsuna back to the present. Where Kyoko left with Mama Sasagawa to get an extra lunch for the extra, unexpected playmate that is Tsuna. And Hana is currently interrogating Tsuna about her future marriage.)

"Yes."

"I don't believe you."

"To be fair, I don't believe anyone either when they say two people are married until I actually see the marriage."

It's a policy he adopted when Mukuro told him that he was married to Hayato and Takeshi married Chrome. Then, when he met up with Mukuro the day after Tsuna's marriage to not-Hayato, Mukuro told him that Hayato was actually married to Bluebell and Takeshi was married to the scary woman with the hoarse voice and the long, white hair (who was Squalo and Tsuna thought for two years that Squalo was a woman who shouted a lot and got a hoarse voice because of it).

Being five and naive, Tsuna believed him. And Byakuran backed up Mukuro's story. No way would Tsuna's _best friend_ lie to him, right? Right?

As it turns out, Byakuran makes for a horrible best friend.

Tsuna's so embarrassed for his five-year-old self. In fact, it's one of the first things those creepy skeletons said when he had Skullitis.

"Don't tell me I have children."

And back to the present. Tsuna looks up at Hana.

"I can neither confirm nor deny that statement."

She glares at him with the force of a million suns. Tsuna gulps.

"You do," he is reluctant to admit.

He's scared of a toddler. Him. Vongola Decimo, boss of the strongest mafia Family in the world. Freely giving out secrets to a toddler that is armed with only a glare.

He is so glad Reborn isn't here.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** The bad news is, Tsuna's never going to be free from the terror that is Hana. The good news? He's not married to her. The worse news? He's forty-one and scared of a girl less than ten times his age.

Poor Tsuna.

But wait, there's better news! I finally made a timeline for this mess. Also changed some ages and will update some chapters to reflect that. The timeline's at:

alteryi tumblr com/sol-timeline (replace the spaces with periods)

Also, because I'm pretty sure no one received an alert when it was updated, check the previous chapter if you don't remember Tsuna ever being in a courtroom with Ryohei as his lawyer.


	15. Chapter 15

**Reflecting on One's Friends (Friendship is Mafia)**

 **~()~**

Tsuna was sixteen when he saw Kyoya wielding a pair of tonfa, biting to death any and all students who dare to be late. Tsuna, by fault of forgetting to replace the batteries in his alarm clock, found himself running for his life.

Tsuna was twenty-five when Reborn came in his home and told him that he was going to be a mafia boss. He was still twenty-five when Hayato transfers into Namimori, and Tsuna was less than pleased with the glares he is receiving.

He groaned when Hayato announced how he was going to possibly kill Tsuna.

Tsuna was ten and wary at the purple fumes coming from the can he was just given.

Was that Bianchi? He took another look at the can and slowly headed for the nearest trash bin. He wondered if this is some kind of test of some sorts. It wasn't like Bianchi had a reason to kill Tsuna unless it was an order from Reborn.

Tsuna is not yet thirty-six and has not experienced Mukuro trying to kill him yet. However, he has heard Hayato complain about it, and Mukuro is an untrustworthy jerk, so Tsuna can see that happening.

Tsuna was twenty-two and gobsmacked when Haru came after him with a hockey stick and accusations of tainting babies' innocence.

"I think I need to make a headcount of exactly which of my friends haven't tried to kill me," Tsuna, twenty-seven, tells an eighteen-year-old Enma during their monthly outing to a cafe.

It felt like only yesterday when he was fighting the Shimon Family. Oh _wait_.

Enma gives Tsuna a sheepish smile. "I'm sorry?"

"Next thing you know, _I-Pin_ is trying to kill me."

Byakuran laughs. Tsuna is suddenly very worried.

(It says a lot when Byakuran is among the few who haven't tried to kill him since the conflict between Vongola and Millefiore was mostly scripted.)

 **~()~**

 **AN:** A short chapter! Tsuna's fainting way too much during middle school, do you realize how many things I'm going to have to put in the (13- ) and (14- ) part of the timeline?

Byakuran shows up so many times in these chapters that I'm almost tempted to make him Tsuna's wife.

(Deciding on Tsuna's wife is hard. Do I stick with the slightly canon and popular straight pairing 27K, or do I throw a wrench in the works and make Iemochi and Akira adopted? _Decisions_.)

Next time: I interrupt your humorous reading with a small dose of angst (occurring every eight chapters)

(And after that, the second part of the Date trilogy)


	16. Chapter 16

**Every Hello is Another Good-Bye (The sun is out because there is no Rain)**

 **~()~**

He is only five.

He is five, and it has only been a year since he first met the most important people of his lives. And yet it doesn't make the pain any more bearable.

The people around him see him as a withered old man, bound to a wheelchair, with only his son to stand by his side, a hand on his for comfort and support. There are words, spoken in a language he is still learning, coming from the man standing at the very front. Tsuna understands bits and pieces.

It isn't enough.

He knows when the ceremony ends. It's hard not to when the crowd moves as one to the sides. Akira slips behind him and wheels him forward. It's slow, it's quiet, and it's _lonely_.

As he slowly approaches the front, Akira's daughter and her husband, dressed in black like everyone else, bow their heads before stepping away from the alter.

There is a man lying there, only recognizable to Tsuna due to the scar on his chin. His skin is wrinkled, his hair snow white, his eyes closed, his skin pale, looking as old as Tsuna does. There is no sign of the man he saw just days before, with black hair and olive skin and a bright smile.

Tsuna reaches out his hand. It aches in a way that Tsuna will never get used to, but the heart in his chest hurts more. He remembers laughter—" _You all right?"—_ and an offered hand. It had been warm.

But when he touches these hands, clasped at his front, they are different.

Cold.

And Tsuna can only cry.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Friendly reminder that every eighth chapter is a darker, angstier chapter.

On a happier note, because this is supposed to be a humorous fic, I feel like this chapter has some 8027 vibes. I know, I need to decide on a spouse for Tsuna because I'd like to write the wedding scene sometime this century, but the _possibilities_.

But anyway, child!Tsuna in an adult body is very clumsy because he has to get used to being big and then later to being small again... Tsuna's just going to be clumsy his whole life and that will not change. So when he's four and twenty-six, he's always falling. And when Takeshi's nearby, he helps him up because Takeshi's a great friend (so different from Byakuran and Mukuro; Hayato and Ryohei are great friends too, but a little over-enthusiastic), so Tsuna likes Takeshi.

And then he's suddenly 84 and a week later Takeshi's dead.

On the bright side, when Tsuna's 84, he meets his son for the first time. :D


	17. Chapter 17

**The Date - Part 2: Haru Haru Mission Dangerous (Deer in the headlights)**

 **(Part 1 is Chapter 12)**

 **~()~**

She is on a mission. A very dangerous mission. She sits at an outdoor table for a cafe, in plain sight, but she has no worries. With a hat to hide her hair and sunglasses to hide her eyes, there is no way anyone will be able to recognize her. As she sips her fruit smoothie, she watches her targets through the holes in her newspaper. Her plan is perfect. There is no way she will be found out.

"What are you doing, Haru?"

Hahi! Abort, abort! Agent Haru's position has been compromised! Quickly, she hides her face behind the newspaper. "I, I know not this Haru you speak of. My name is…" She lets her eyes roam before settling on a name in the newspaper. "...Hanako."

"Hanako," the voice repeats, his skepticism ringing loud and clear. "All right then, Hanako, could you tell me why you're stalking my friend. Friends?"

"It's too early to call him a friend," another voice speaks up, and Haru suppresses another hahi.

What is Tsuna doing with _Byakuran_ of all people? She still remembers what happened in the future.

"Are you telling we're still not friends even after we spent a whole week stranded in an abandoned, haunted house?"

"That's in three months."

"... _Merda_."

"Well, I suppose it was twenty years ago for you, so I can't blame you for misremembering the date."

It is clear that the two had forgotten all about Haru as they continue on with their very confusing conversation—is it mafia code she wondered—so she turns her attention back to Kyoko, her dear friend, and her...date.

Haru has heard rumors about this Mochida character since entering Namimori High, and none of them are good. So Haru is looking out for her friend. If Mochida tries to take advantage of Kyoko, Haru will be there to knock him out with a mace.

(An actual mace, yes. It was nice and collapsible, so she could easily store it in her handbag. Haru's only complaint was that it weighed more than a textbook, but it was nothing she couldn't deal with.)

Currently, Kyoko and Mochida are standing in line for ice cream. A respectable decision. Mochida's hands are nowhere near Kyoko's body, and Kyoko is giggling at something. So far so good.

Kyoko gets Neapolitan ice cream while Mochida gets plain old vanilla. Haru finds herself craving the new cotton candy flavor and takes another sip of her smoothie in an attempt to quell it.

Next Sunday, she promises herself.

But for now, she needs to focus on her mission. After getting ice cream, Kyoko and Mochida sit at a table. They're talking about something, but Haru's too far away to hear. Instead, she hears a thud from behind and turns her head slightly.

Tsuna fainted again. And Byakuran is just grinning. When their eyes meet and Byakuran waves to her, Haru hurriedly turns back to the newspaper. And then Tsuna groans as he slowly returns to the waking world.

" _Cazzo_ ," he mutters, and Haru ignores the sound of Byakuran's laughter.

("Happy negative six year anniversary."

" _Chiudi il becco._ "

"Speak Japanese, Tsunayoshi-kun.")

Conversations seem to be going well. Kyoko laughs frequently and hasn't frowned once. Mochida hasn't made a move, surprisingly, and looks almost… Haru has to blink. Is he scared? He keeps stealing glances in Haru's direction, not caring that his ice cream is melting.

Could it be? Has she been discovered? Haru ducks below the table.

("Tsunayoshi-kun, that's a scary face you're making.")

Slowly, she rises back up. Mochida is as pale as a ghost, and for good reason, too. During the moment Haru had hid, he dropped his ice cream cone on Kyoko.

And a red stain appeared on his shirt.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Second part of the Date Trilogy. It...might count as a cliffhanger? Third part deals with the aftermath of this date, and part 2.5(!?) deals with Tsuna and Byakuran's POV. Sadly, neither of them are planned for the next chapter, so you get to wait XD.

Anyway, I'd like to point out that this is the first time we've actually seen Tsuna wake up from fainting, and yes, he doesn't switch languages that quickly. (He's eighteen btw and his language is atrocious. From 'shit' to 'f**k' to using the impolite version of 'shut up' in that order. Wow, I wonder why he's in such a bad mood :3c. Feel free to guess.)

Note to self: It's currently the May of Tsuna's first year in high school and three months later, in July, during summer vacation, Tsuna and Mochida find themselves locked in an abandoned and most likely haunted mansion together. ...I really want to write this.


	18. Chapter 18

**End it with a Bang (It's a** **new year, but same old same old)**

 **~()~**

December 31, the last day of the year. It's evening now, with barely a cloud in the sky and absolutely no chance of rain. Perfect weather for fireworks. They—Tsuna, his Guardians, the Giglio Nero Family, the Funeral Wreathes, and the Shimon Family—cram into Gamma's limo with some others choosing to fly to Kokuyo Land because why not. It's far away from town, mostly abandoned, and no one will mind if some teenagers without a license fire up some fireworks. Well, no one will mind as long as nothing catches on fire.

So here Tsuna is, holding a fire extinguisher and a pail of water on the off chance that their local pyrotechnics expert messes up. It's a very slim chance—less than a percent chance, according to Byakuran. Or rather, less than one percent of the parallel worlds Byakuran saw had something go wrong with the fireworks. As an afterthought, Byakuran added that the chance of Fran's dear—illusionary—vegetable garden burning was about eighty percent.

Tsuna does not understand the logic of caring for a vegetable garden for a month only to burn it to the ground purposely. Illusion or otherwise. And he does this in the future, too.

(Tsuna gave up on understanding Fran when he joined Varia and replaced that apple hat with Haru's homemade...apple cinnamon scented candle hat—that could actually be lit with Dying Will Flames.

Yes, Haru made—will make—a...scented candle hat, and yes, Fran asked for it and wore it until the day Haru made a...Bel mink-shaped hat. Tsuna also gave up on understanding the friendship between Haru and Fran and sometimes Mukuro a while back.

Please stop cosplaying, you three. And Reborn, too.)

Tsuna glances at the four in question. Haru is with the other girls, most of them in kimono, and Fran is also wearing a kimono for the first time.

("It's everyone's first time in Japan for the New Years, so of course we're going to the shrine right after," Haru had said while she helped Yuni tie her obi.)

Mukuro and his gang are in their Kokuyo uniforms, except for Chrome who will be joining the shrine visit group. And as for Reborn…

He's dressed as a bear. Romanian tradition, he claims.

Tsuna's really glad Shouichi brought his camera. Spanner also made and brought a mini-Mosca that showed the time with an LED display on its torso. Only three minutes until midnight.

The seconds pass by, minutes, and then with just a few seconds to go, Gokudera lights the first set of fireworks. And instead of the clock, Tsuna stares at the fire racing up the row of rockets.

A pop, a whistle, and just as the clock strikes twelve, they light the sky up in oranges and greens and violets and white. There's reds and blues and yellows and pinks. Vibrant colors that seemed more numerous than the stars in the sky, shower down and land on the ground harmlessly. And then another round goes off. And the Japanese-born of their group pass around the smaller fireworks.

Hayato moves to the mortar. He's loading a shell, Lambo at his side trying to see what color and what pattern will appear next and I-Pin preventing him from jumping into the mortar. Fuuta's been in Ranking Mode for a while, ranking each firework as they go off.

The fireworks go off without a hitch. Of course they do—as if Gokudera would settle for anything less—Shut up, Byakuran. It's just...the sparklers—the small and supposedly harmless sparklers—that cause the most damage.

"Whose idea," Tsuna despairs, refusing to look at the carnage wrought, "was it to light the sparklers with Dying Will Flames?"

Takeshi laughs as Bluebell, sitting on his shoulders, pulls on his short hair accusingly.

"It's just that the kids seemed sad to see them end so soon." Nosaru is quick to refute that, but he's not fooling anyone, not even Tsuna. "I didn't think it would be too bad."

"This is why you're not allowed to babysit!" Hayato shouts from his spot next to the mortar.

Tsuna turns to look once more at the the wreckage. As it turns out, combining gunpowder and Dying Will Flame did not necessarily mean an explosion. Well, it did for Storm Flames and Sky Flames, but for the others...

...And then for the Flames of Earth…

...Suddenly, Tsuna knows why lighters are still a thing in the future where Dying Will Flames were commonplace.

And off to the side, Fran squats near his garden, watching it burn in indigo flames with impassive eyes.

"Vegetables are disgusting."

"Eat your vegetables, Fran."

 **~()~**

 **AN:** And then Tsuna lets the shrine-goers leave and freezes the flames, including the ones burning Fran's garden...and Fran reacts by dispelling the illusion. Kokuyo Land becomes known for the mysterious ice sculptures that popped up overnight (because some people were bored, and hey giant blocks of ice. Mini-Mosca helped.), and the Kokuyo Gang are forced to stay in Namimori until the media attention dies down. Forced by Nana. They end up staying Yamamoto's house because there's more room and a dojo to sleep in.

Happy New Year! It's not midnight where I am, but eh. And this chapter could have been a little fleshed out and flowed a little better, but eh.

This is set after the end of the series, where Giglio Nero has yet to leave Japan because Gamma caved in to the plea of little Yuni wanting to stay at least until the end of the year. And then the following spring, Tsuna will become a third year, Ryohei and Hibari will be in high school. And then the next spring, Tsuna will be 16 and in high school, and Mochida will go on a date with Kyoko and then the summer haunted mansion event✨. (Holy moley, look at that sparkle and tell me it's still there.)

And because there was no good place to mention this, Tsuna's 19 in a 15-year-old body. And apparently, in Romania, there's a tradition of putting on a bear costume and dancing to drive away evil spirits. And Mukuro doesn't quite cosplay, but his choice of clothes in the future is...well, it isn't always what's been seen in canon.

And before anyone contradicts me, hc that Dying Will Bullets contain no gunpowder. No, they're made of a special alloy created in Leon's body and filled with Sun Flames, either Reborn's or Leon's itself (say what you will but Leon's still the strangest Arcobaleno animal because nothing, not even flames, explains why a chameleon can make things inside of him. Fantasma has mist flames, Keiman could have been genetically modified by Verde, but Leon? Leon is a f**king slime taking the shape of a chameleon. It's the only explanation I can think of.)

Also, I know little about fireworks. Most information from googling so feel free to correct anything. Except the legalities. Because these guys don't care above the law.

And again, Happy New Year! I hope everyone's had a great holiday season/winter break and I hope next year is just as good if not better than this year. ✨✨

EDIT: I MESSED UP THE DATE


	19. Chapter 19

**Fly Away, Flu Away, Flown Away (Reborn's a devil belonging in hell)**

 **~()~**

Tsuna's woken up in some horrible situations before. Waking and finding out you're about to crash a car into a rosebush (and finding out that airbags were not comfortable), waking and finding out you're _old_ (with _grandchildren_ ), waking and finding out that you joined a circus (Tsuna still doesn't know what future him was doing, but okay), waking and finding yourself in the middle of a bloodstained meeting room (Varia's fault)...

Well, you get the point.

But Tsuna hated, absolutely _hated_ , fainting and then waking up in bed _sick_. Being sick is the worse, Tsuna would like to say, only he has a sore throat. And a fever. And a headache. And an upset stomach. And a stuffy nose. And an itch on his leg that he can't reach because it hurt to move.

This is what he wakes up with.

He wants to die. Waking up with arthritis is better than this. _So much better_ , Tsuna hates being sick. Hates the porridge that Bianchi makes. Hates the homework and handouts that Hayato and Takeshi take turns bringing.

Apparently, he's missed four days of school and a pop quiz. Apparently, because he literally woke up _twenty-five minutes ago_.

Still wants to die.

"Don't worry, Tenth. I'll drag Shamal over here!" Hayato said twenty minutes ago.

"Are you dying? If not, then I don't need to treat you," Shamal said five minutes ago.

And now… "Tsuna, do you need any medicine?"

Gee, you really have to ask, Lambo?

Tsuna would like to faint and give the flu to an older him. He can regret his choice in the future. Just not now when he's _dying_. Literally dying because humans aren't supposed to feel this hot. Is his blood boiling yet? It feels like it is. It feels like Tsuna should be _dead_ by now.

"I'm in hell."

Someone laughs. Tsuna doesn't know who because most of his face is covered by a damp towel. Laughs are hard to distinguish.

Ugh. This is all because, according to Hayato, he jumped into the river to save a dog. Which is actually a lie. While Hayato was out getting Shamal, Hana tells him the truth. He tripped. Fell into the river. Just happened to grab onto the dog in his mad scramble to swim to safety.

He was forty-six. And he still can't swim at that age. The future looks bleak.

"Hey, can't Tsuna-san just make ice to cool himself down?" That's Haru's voice, voicing a very good idea.

It's also bad idea. Frozen Dying Will Flames are only cold to everyone _but_ the maker. To Tsuna, it's just a glass paperweight. It is the same concept that applies to regular Dying Will Flames, affecting everyone but the one who made them. Because getting harmed by your own Flames would be dumb.

Except Sun Flames. Sun Flames won the flame lottery because Sun users can actually use their flames to heal themselves.

Wait. _Wait._ Could Sun Flames be used to activate his immune system to work faster?

Yes, but at the risk of overheating your body, building up too much mucus, and being put through more pain, as Reborn informs him.

He doesn't inform him so much as he drops an anatomy book on his stomach. A textbook. On his stomach. What kind of person makes a sick person read? The _devil_.

Two days later, Tsuna still feels like dying. Byakuran visits. Gives him flowers. Gaillardias. Tells him to get well soon and that Tsuna's girlfriend is on the way to visit.

 _What girlfriend_?

 **~()~**

 **AN:** No, I didn't write this because I'm sick. I just like Tsuna being dramatic about things and going from healthy to sick after fainting would put a dampener on things. Being sick is horrible, everyone stay healthy and warm and don't use Sun Flames.

Also, I've figured out who to bribe to be Tsuna's wife. (You think I'm kidding but you'll see. :^) So excited to finally be able to write that wedding scene, like ✨✨

And that idea that Tsuna's jealous of Sun Flames is fun. Like, what do Sky Flames do? They harmonize. They just harmonize. 12 y/o Tsuna wants something less abstract and more useful. Like Storm, so he can get rid of his paperwork. He's of the opinion that sky lost the lottery horribly. Now the other flames just pity skies and that's why skies have guardians. Pity.

That's Tsuna's opinion and he's sticking with it.


	20. Chapter 20

**In with the Old, Out with the New (X it out)**

 **~()~**

He rejects the title of Neo Vongola Primo. Rejects it vehemently. He's been called Decimo all his life, everything has an X on it, and that's how Tsuna wants it to stay. He doesn't want to become another Primo, where everyone and their dog would compare him to Giotto, compare his guardians with the original first generation guardians. All Tsuna wants is the ratty old Vongola Family, with more holes than swiss cheese, because it's _his_. It's his responsibility, his to fix, his to ground into dust before he'll even think about a new Family.

And it will be ground to the dust. Tsuna's seventy-two, has seen most of what he does in the future. He stands tall as the Vongola even when the more corrupt of the Vongola, the side that prefers mindless violence over Tsuna's ideals, launches a coup d'etat. It had been a rough two years. To Tsuna, it was more like the stupid conflict that made him dread being between nineteen and twenty-one.

To everyone else, it was that tedious affair that was made no better by the fact that their stupid boss fainted way too often and usually in the _middle of a battle_. He had been the bastard boss that made his subordinates have to cover his defenseless ass and lug his body back to their base. Popularity had been low those years. It's not like Tsuna has any control over when and where he faints.

Anyway, a coup d'etat happened. After that, Tsuna made sure there were no more dissidents and began his conquest of Italy. Okay, it was just the Italian underworld that he conquered, despite all the hiccups. Still, Tsuna takes pride in the fact that he managed to subdue more than a handful of dons when he was just six.

It had been a glorious week. And then morale plummeted when he tried to bake a celebratory cake. He'd blame Bianchi, but no. He has only himself to blame for that.

That was the week when many of the key players in the Vongola had to spend their days recovering from the aftermath, and the healthy ones had to prevent Tsuna from ever going near the kitchens.

"Decimo, we have strict orders to prevent anyone who's not a certified cook from entering. Don't make that face. Puppy dog eyes are unbecoming of a vigilante boss."

Tsuna's been called Decimo his entire life, the man—sometimes the boy— who waged war on the underworld, and he's not so spineless as to accept a new title just because he can't handle the weight of the Vongola's sins. He believes in his younger selves to take those sins and ground them into dust and return the Vongola to its roots.

So he looks Reborn in the eyes, and tells him, "I'm Vongola Decimo, always have been, always will be. Don't change that."

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Okay, so tomorrow's Valentine's Day, and I could have written a valentine chapter, but nah. Let me write out why I don't like Amano giving Tsuna the title of Neo Primo. Because he's already been called the second coming of Primo. Because X is cooler than I. Because we've been calling him Decimo for years and you suddenly spring this on us on the last goddamn chapter. Reborn, he passed the Vongola Trials, he's stronger than that, he handled himself just fine in the future...okay, so he got himself shot by Byakuran, but still! Still! I hate it! If you're going to do that, then Xanxus can be Decimo and Tsuna can be Neo Primo, but it's still horrible! Because Xanxus isn't going to accept the Decimo seat just because, oh the guy who was going to become Decimo just decided to make a new family. It's called Neo Vongola. Nonono, Xanxus is going to burn everything and chase after Tsuna because he doesn't want this kind of wishy-washy result. He wants to earn it with his own sweat in blood because he wants to prove that he's worthy, that he's not this substitute that you throw away because oh, he's adopted and then throw back in.

And if Xanxus doesn't become Decimo, then what of the old Vongola? Will it be dissolved after Nono dies? Will it merge with the new? Then what was the _freakin point_ of creating Neo Vongola in the first place? It's so much better for Tsuna to be Decimo because we _don't need_ another Primo. We need a boy with generations of mistakes hanging over his head like a noose, who struggled to escape but now he's roped into it anyway. So what's he going to do? _DESTROY IT._ Destroy the mafia and turn it back into a vigilante group, into something that Tsuna can better stomach being the boss of.

I will fight you on this. Go on my tumblr or in the reviews and tell me why you think neo primo is better and i will fight you

And you can look forward to the day when Tsuna pops up in the Vongola Trials (after they get the Vongola Rings back into rings because that needs to happen sooner or later). There will be more rants.


	21. Chapter 21

**You People and Your Rings (This isn't even its final form)**

 **~()~**

Tsuna stares at the rings in the box that Dino was holding.

"These are the Vongola Rings?"

"Technically, they're the Half Vongola Rings. You still need the other half," Dino explains.

Tsuna...has never seen these rings before. _Never_. He may be nine, but he's been to Vongola Dodicesima's inheritance ceremony, and none of her Guardians wore those rings.

"When you said these were the Vongola Rings, I was expecting something a bit more...ridiculous."

Granted, half rings are ridiculous, but not as ridiculous as what Tsuna is used to seeing.

Clam-shaped rings. Deceptively simple at first glance—platinum with a clam in the center and small gems that matched the color of the Flame around the band—but then you notice the odd line splitting the clam in half. And then you _split the clam open_ to reveal the actual ring.

Future Vongola Rings are _gimmel rings_ —and isn't that a fancy sounding name—that was made of three rings. And that isn't all. No, the clams just have to be made of melted-down Mammon Chains, meaning that when closed, no one would be able to sense the Vongola Rings.

Tsuna would like to know which mad genius designed those rings.

(It's him. Thirty-five-year-old Tsuna, physically forty, buries his face in his hands as he looks at the new rings. How did it come to this? All he wanted was maybe a braided design with an actual clam design and make it look like a pearl in a clam. Pearls in clams were nice, right? So how did it come to this?

Somewhere, Byakuran laughs, holding up the hand wearing his very normal, one-band, gem-with-wings Mare Ring and Tsuna almost wants to punch him.

"How can you call those Mare Rings when there's nothing sea-like on them? Why are there wings?! Byakuran, stop laughing and let me break those for you!")

If Tsuna ever has to design the Vongola Rings, he'd make them look his wedding ring, a simple, silver band with a single gem in the center and "Vongola" engraved on the underside.

Dino laughs in response to Tsuna's comment. "Tsuna, you're surprisingly calm about this."

"Is there something to freak out about? These are just rings, right?"

Reborn hops on Tsuna's shoulder. "Dame-Tsuna, these rings are proof that you're the next boss of Vongola. All bosses of Vongola have worn this ring."

Huh?

"Huh?" Tsuna looks at the rings. Looks back at Reborn, who doesn't seem to be lying. "Huh?"

But Tsuna has _never_ seen these rings. _Ever_.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** So about the half rings...they were around in Tsuna's life since the Varia Arc until the end of the Future Arc, which is about 2-3 months, but he's 9 at the start, older during the ring battles, and 13 for the entirety of the Future Arc.

And then the actual Vongola rings lasted from the end of the Future Arc until the beginning of the Inheritance Ceremony Arc (which is about a _week._ Great-something granddad gave you that ring and you break it a week later. For shame, Tsuna), and Tsuna's 13 and then 27.

Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised if Tsuna forgot about the half rings until he sees them again when he's thirteen, and then forgot about the Vongola Rings until he's 27.

And then you have the Vongola Gears, which are Tenth Generation exclusive, and manage to last for decades...until they realize that the next generation is without rings. And the Vongola Rings need to be passed down for Tri-ni-sette issues. So good-bye Vongola Gear, hello Tsuna-designed rings, with the help of still-kicking Talbot.

Don't worry. They're strong enough by then to not need it, and the box animals have already been extracted.

Dodicesima is twelve.

Also.

To the reviewer who's asked if this has story and I didn't want to answer because I need to say this to everyone but forgot to last chapter so...

To everyone reading, there will be no story in Snapshots of Life beside the occasional mini-arcs (such as the Date and the Ace Attorney mini arcs)

To everyone reading and still wanting story, I can't make any promises, but I might write a separate fic in this verse that focuses on the future arc. Because full canon rewrites are hard and this au was made with mostly the future arc in mind.


	22. Chapter 22

**Keep Sharp Objects Away From Children (I'd rather die than have a scruffy beard.)**

 **~()~**

"Ow!"

Mukuro briefly looks away from his book and twists his neck back to face the bathroom door. He's curious just how much blood is currently in the bathroom. Of course, he's been locked out because some four-year-old thinks its embarrassing to have people watch him as he shaves.

Or tries to shave, at least.

Mukuro is very glad the other Guardians aren't here. No doubt they would have destroyed the door the first time Tsuna cut his chin. He hasn't been keeping count, but he's sure the number of cuts is more than ten.

He shows little concern at the hiss of pain as he corrects himself. More than eleven. And they ran out of band-aids two days ago.

Why Tsuna hasn't decided to use the electric razor sitting right next to the sink was beyond him. Oh well.

Mukuro turns to the next page and continues reading about a girl's seventh attempt to confess to her crush without the world ending for the seventh time.

(He hides it later before Tsuna comes out with a bloody chin and a tearful face. Four-year-old Tsuna would be embarrassed to know that fourteen-year-old Tsuna reads shoujo manga, and fourteen-year-old and older Tsunas would die of embarrassment if he knew that Mukuro knew about his secret stash of shoujo manga behind the cabinets and the dressers and underneath the floorboards under the bed.)

 **~()~**

 **AN:** I don't know about you but an apocalypse-causing confession sounds pretty interesting. Short chapter, but eh.

But man, teenager Tsuna was so funny because he's trying to figure out love and relationships and sexuality and only has to deal with teenage hormones sometimes and comes face to face with his spouse that he still hasn't proposed to other times. Then, because Lambo was getting sick of being asked love advice, tells Tsuna to go read some romance.

Tsuna also hides yaoi and yuri, and Mukuro also knows exactly where it is. The pile of shoeboxes in the corner of the closet aren't exactly inconspicuous.


	23. Chapter 23

**Tempting Fate (Tsuna's Law: Anything that can get weirder will get weirder)**

 **~()~**

"Now I've seen everything," said Tsuna, thirteen and young, as he stared at the ghost of Giotto coming out from his ring.

He was thirteen, he was young, but he should've known that life had more bizarre things in store for him.

 **'~'**

"Now I've seen everything." Tsuna, fifteen, still young, still foolish, said when Hayato's wedding completely fell apart.

Okay, so Dino tripped into the cake. That was fine. Uri had been sleeping under the cake. Fine. Dino tripping into the cake, landing on Uri's tail, making her run into the man who constantly emitted Sun Flames (AKA Ryohei), making her grow full size and go on a rampage until suddenly, BOOM, Varia appeared followed by Spanner's Gola Moscas and Shoichi's prototype cube thing...

Tsuna didn't want to think about the entire thing. "My wedding wasn't nearly this chaotic, right?"

And Takeshi laughed. "You were five and passed out after the first drink. After that, well..."

Okay, so the wedding was normal, but the reception was a disaster. Hayato's wedding was a disaster, meaning that his reception should be normal, right? Right.

 _Wrong_ , the Vongola does nothing normal.

 **'~'**

"Now I've seen everything," Tsuna carefully did not say even though the thought was there. He was twenty. He was _learning_.

And Byakuran was...kind of...um...

"Did you really drag us into a parallel world for this?" Us being Tsuna, Yuni, and Enma. This being...um...

"Yes," the hundred or so Byakurans replied to their respective Tsunas, Yunis, and Enmas.

...a multiverse gathering, for lack of a better word.

All hundred or so Tsunas, including Tsuna, shared the same horrified expression. As if one of them wasn't enough already.

 **'~'**

"Okay, _now_ I've seen everything." Tsuna's old. He's in his nineties. He's seen practically his entire life. Nothing can get more bizarre than this.

Next to him, Asari Ugetsu calmly inquires what the strange device in Tsuna's hand is. It's a smartphone. And the device on the wall was a TV. On the other side of him, G fires one of the newest model gun at the wall, ignores the new hole, and nods in satisfaction. Knuckles is admiring the antiques lining the shelves. Loudly. Alaude is about ready to jump out the window to escape the crowded Study if it wasn't for Asari's firm grip on his wrist.

Ironically, Lampo's causing the least amount of headaches as he snoozed away on the couch, wearing an eye mask and headphones.

Yep.

So, the Ten-Year-Bazooka malfunctioned yet again after managing to swallow up most of his Guardians. And in their places were their counterparts from the First Generation.

On one hand, Tsuna was glad that at least his two Mists were out of the room and they didn't have to meet Daemon. On the other hand, Tsuna spent five minutes freaking out at that dumb faulty bazooka and its odd malfunctions, and his Guardians weren't back.

Nothing can get more bizarre than this, he _hopes_ as he calls his Mists to tell them to call the Bovino.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** So it's my personal headcanon that Tsuna dreads meeting with the Bovino because they're insane. Reborn calls them a lesser Family because of mafia politics and not because they aren't powerful. Because the Bovino made a super volatile time travel device, so who's to say they can't _accidentally_ create a machine that can literally end the world? I have fun Bovino related headcanons.

Also, sometime when Tsuna's 28, Byakuran figures out that he cant transfer people to other parallel worlds, but he can transport people to a separate pocket dimension accessible to all Byakurans, which led to...um...

We'll cover that in a later chapter. Not the next one though.

Next chapter's the 24th, meaning a multiple of eight, meaning a more serious/heavy/angsty chap. It's already written. It's Tsuna's sons-centric. It should be out next week. Maybe


	24. Chapter 24

**Too Young to Know (Everyone will die at some point)**

 **~()~**

There's a knock at his door, soft and hesitant that Tsuna almost doubts his ears. He sets aside the paper in his hands—an order form for new Varia uniforms even though they just got new ones last week.

(Lussuria's been complaining about them because he's allowed to, being the fashionista. They are too stiff, too noisy, too flammable, too heavy, too hard to clean blood out of, and—most importantly, in his opinion—too plain.

" _Even Mammon's saying they were a waste of money and you know how Mammon is."_

Tsuna's half-tempted to humor him because the designer had been a douche, more fixated on presentation rather than functionality. Just because she did a good job on I-Pin's wedding dress didn't mean she'd do a good job on everything.)

The door opens without Tsuna having to say anything. Slowly, silently, and then his youngest son steps inside.

"Akira?" He gestures for the boy to come in and sit in the chair in front of Tsuna's desk. "What's wrong? Nightmare?"

Still silent, Akira shakes his head. Tsuna waits for him to speak up.

He doesn't need to wait long.

"How can you stand talking to someone knowing how and when they're going to die?"

Tsuna doesn't know what to say at first. For starters, he doesn't even know why Akira's asking about this. Akira is seven, too young to really know about death. Well, okay, being the son of a mafia boss did teach you about death earlier than most kids, but still.

Is he asking about how Tsuna deals with these things? Why?

"Uh...I just don't think about their deaths. If I thought about how my Guardians died, or how my mom died, or—" He swallows. Slowly tilts his head back and tries to casually rub his eyes. Eye strain, you know? Paperwork does that to you. Definitely not tears. "If I always thought about it, I'd never—" stop crying "—enjoy my time with them."

Although when he was five, he couldn't look at Takeshi without tearing up. Man, that was embarrassing. Now, Tsuna still cries at funerals because funerals are a time to mourn, but when they were still alive and here, he let himself forget. Let himself laugh and and get angry and say goodbye without so much of a tear.

Akira remains sitting in the chair, that same troubled expression still on his face. "But they'll still die."

Tsuna, certain that his eyes will stay dry, stands up, goes over to him. "What's wrong?"

"You don't know?"

"Akira, I'm not a mind reader. You have to tell me or else I'll never know."

Akira shifts his weight. "Uncle Lambo's bazooka."

The Ten-Year-Bazooka? "You got hit by it?"

Wordlessly, he nods. Tsuna wracks his memory. This is the horrible part, figuring out a chronological timeline of events. Was Tsuna younger or older ten years from today? How much younger? How much older?

He glances at the calendar and stills.

He had been younger.

Tsuna turns back to face his son. Ten years from now on this date, Tsuna had been in the hospital after a shoot-out in Japan. And in that shoot-out… He reaches out and grasps Akira's hands.

"I'm sorry," he says, rubbing a thumb over his knuckles. Droplets of water hit their hands. "I'm so sorry."

The funeral that Tsuna never had a chance to go to was ten years from today.

"He's going to die because of me. How can I still enjoy our time together?"

Akira is seven, too young. Too young, with a body too small to contain his sorrow. This, Tsuna has experience with. He wishes he didn't.

(A narrow alley. A crumbled body and a crying child and—No. Stop. Don't think about it, don't remember it, it won't happen, it never happened, you changed this—but i still remember—forget, forget, forget—he died—it'll _never_ happen—

 _He's alive_.)

An image of Hayato standing in front of him, covered in scratches, holding a grey tabby, pops in his mind. This, Tsuna latches onto like a lifeline, and mentally gives his thanks as he calms down.

"Listen..." he starts. His intuition flares up, telling him what he already knows—this is a bad idea. "You know when he dies. You know how he dies. So now you can prevent that."

Any regret he has in telling him this dissipates the moment Akira looks up with those hopeful eyes.

"I can?"

Tsuna squeezes his hands a little firmer and nods. "You can. You can save his life."

Lambo's mantra repeats in his mind. _Tolerate. Tolerate._

He's not sure how he managed to walk to the children's bedroom after that and tuck Akira in without succumbing. There's a pain between his eyes that keeps building up, that's been building up since he encouraged Akira, and it's only until he's far away from the bedroom that he finally drops to the floor, curling inward, clutching his head, and tries not to scream as new memories flood his mind.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** Well. Hi referenced character death.


	25. Chapter 25

**CPR (Capricious Parental Relationships)**

 **~()~**

One minute, he's in excruciating pain. He's writhing on the floor and squeezing his eyes shut, feeling like someone was taking a hammer to his head. The next, someone lifts him off the floor, and he feels lips meeting his own, bringing water and a pill into his mouth.

Tsuna swallows on instinct.

"What the hell," he says through the pain. What kind of sane person gives someone medicine through a kiss?

Sadly, he already knows the answer before looking into a pair of stern eyes.

"What have we said about changing the timeline?" he is asked in a tone that sounds like a mother chiding her child. Tsuna refuses to be that naughty child.

"No. No, first of all, what have we said about giving me medicine?" Tsuna remembers having a fever and asking for medicine when he was sixteen, and what did he get? A kiss!

Not his first kiss though. That was when he was six and drunk and decided that Reborn had really nice lips. That was also when Tsuna was still not over his maybe-minor crush on the man. And _some people_ took photos.

(Chronologically speaking, his first kiss was when he was physically fourteen. Because of that stupid mistletoe and Dino knocking him under it while Chrome was standing there.)

Anyway, after being sixteen and asking for medicine multiple times and then being twenty-eight and asking for medicine multiple times, each time getting kissed, Tsuna was understandably getting tired of being kissed. He reads shoujo manga. He has this notion that kisses are meant to be romantic. Contrary to expectations, though, he kept getting all these unromantic kisses. So he made the other person promise to stop doing this.

It took less than three years for that promise to be broken.

"You broke your promise first."

Tsuna throws his hands up in the air. "Not changing the timeline was definitely not part of the not kissing deal! Nowhere in the contract did it say that."

The mafia world has taught Tsuna many things, one of them being that some people are "forgetful" enough to "forget" about the peace treaty or the money they owed, so best to write out a contract and make them sign it and cheerfully "forget" to remind them to read the fine print.

"You were convinced to add it on when you were younger."

What.

"You were nine, I believe."

This piece of—

"I'm filing a divorce!" Tsuna yells. What kind of person tricks kids? This person!

"Good! But I'm keeping the kids," his spouse replies.

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

And then they go their separate ways to their separate bedrooms to sleep. But not before Tsuna turns around and yells, "Thank you for the painkillers!"

He's still mad, though.

Then morning comes and they have to meet up at the dining table for breakfast, and Iemochi takes one look at his parents, who refuse to look at each other, and says, "If you two divorce, I'm disowning myself."

Akira chooses that moment to sleepily walk into the dining room, and without thinking, repeats his brother's words. "Disowning myself."

 **~()~**

 **AN:**...Well, I couldn't leave poor Tsuna in pain for all eternity. Look, it's hard for Tsuna to suffer as an adult because he has good ol' spouse to take care of him...Maybe.

(These two have a big house with lots of bedrooms. One for each kid, two for guests, one that they share, and two that they use when they're fighting—which happens frequently—or when Tsuna's young—which also happens frequently.)

Mochi's great. Mochi's a lifesaver. Mochi also hates the name Mom gave him, so there's that. Akira just had a dream of being a hero, so there's that too. Oh, and Tsuna's 58. Have I mentioned that?

I'd say this would be the last of this odd string of weekly updates, but, uh...no, not really. You guys don't know how mad I am at finally getting writing inspiration when I'm supposed to be doing schoolwork. Is this escapism? I think it's escapism.


	26. Chapter 26

**The Lion, the Witch, and the War-Closet (** **The weight of his sins is heavy)**

 **~()~**

It's a Saturday morning, on the breakfast table, when Hayato subtly slips everyone but Tsuna notes under the table. Chrome passes two of these notes to Ryohei, one for him and one to give to Kyouya. Silverware chinks against ceramic, only to pause as Tsuna looks up from his food.

"Why isn't anyone else eating?" he asks. His eyebrows furrow. "Wait, did I miss any eggshells?"

Panic appears in Hayato's eyes as he quickly reaches for a fork. "It's nothing. I was just thinking about how much of a waste it would be to eat it so quickly. It's a masterpiece, Tenth!"

If a plate of scrambled eggs and toast could be called a masterpiece, Chrome thinks as she unfolds the note. There's only a time written on it, but a time is the only thing they need to know.

Once breakfast is over, Tsuna retreats to his study, back to his shackles of paperwork and babysitting. Chrome spends her time feeding the many animals that roam the Vongola Mansion and leafing through catalog of desserts or clothes.

When the promised time—eleven o'clock—nears, she dog-ears the page she's on and gets up. The promised place has always been the same, and though petitions had been held to change it, she still opens the supply closet.

Up above, lying on the only ledge, Kyouya scowls at her for letting light in. Chrome looks back down. Takeshi offers a wave from where he's sitting. Ryohei glances up at her, and can't offer a wave since he's busy doing pushups with the weight of Takeshi and Hayato on his back. Chrome rolls her eyes and seats herself on both of their shoulders, forming a triangle.

(She thinks about cheerleading routines and the Guardians wearing outfits to match and makes a note to talk to Haru about that.)

Lambo and Mukuro arrive soon. Lambo, still a child, allows himself to be carried in Mukuro's arms, and Mukuro squeezes in the corner next to Ryohei's feet and closes the door.

This is the only way they'll have room to fit everyone in the tiny supply closet. They have held meetings in this closet for the sole purpose of deciding whether to move or not. Ryohei's strength is only going up, Mukuro's arms now have some actual muscle in them, and Kyouya may or may not be developing back pains because of this and still they have not moved.

Chrome cheerfully imagines a stone statue, steadily growing heavier as time goes on like the baby that Ubume hands to travelers, sitting on Hayato's other shoulder and hopes he enjoys the pain they are in because of his stubbornness.

Hayato, steadfastly trying to ignore the extra weight, clears his throat. "So today, we have gathered to hold our eighty-ninth secret meeting. The topic is Tsuna's surprise party. Progress report?"

They go down the list. Everything from decorations to guests to contingency plans for when Tsuna faints are addressed. Chrome needs more time picking out a cake, but Ryohei's finished the guest list. Kyouya is made in charge of security with a warning to take fights to the designated fighting area that Hayato will set up. Takeshi and Lambo go over the plan to lead Tsuna away from the party, and that's when the closet door opens.

They fall silent as Tsuna greets them.

"Hi, so I know you hate it when I go to your secret meetings, but Haru arrived with a couple boxes of decorations and wanted to know where to move them."

Hayato mutters something that sounds suspiciously like "that idiot woman," and Chrome adds teeth and glowing eyes to the statue along with ominous, inky shadows that undulate on its surface.

"She can put them in the third ballroom," he grits.

Tsuna smiles to appease Hayato's anger. "Oh, don't worry. She didn't ruin the surprise. I faint right before the party. And before the party, I was on a plane to Russia and not expected a party at all, so you're fine."

He waves goodbye and walks away. Takeshi moves to close the door, but Tsuna come back in time for him to stop. "By the way, I know I keep saying this, but you _really_ need to find a different place to meet before Chrome murders you."

Chrome smiles sweetly at him and pretends she hasn't been making a army of small, angry statues at Hayato's feet. Tsuna gives her one last skeptical look before closing the door and sending them back into darkness.

"Can we _finally_ move to someplace brighter?" Lambo asks, hopeful.

Hayato lets out a long-suffering sigh that Chrome chooses to interpret as a maybe, so she makes her army chant "pavilion."

If they meet here again for the next meeting, she's either going to kill him or drive him insane, whichever comes before the other. But first, she lights her army on fire.

 **~()~**

 **AN:** If you don't think Chrome won't or can't murder anyone when she grows up, we're having words. Also, the worst part of a surprise is when the recipient's a time-hopper and already knows it's going to happen. And crashes your secret meeting.

Things you should know: Ryohei's a master pushupper so three people is no problem. This era is when kids are already born and Tsuna's usually in charge of babysitting when no one's available. Also because he's been the expert in changing diapers since a young age. The Vongola Mansion is home to many animals, including the flock of Hibirds, some stray dogs and cats, and the goat. You can't forget the goat, because that's a gift from the Bovino. And the herd of horses, great for riding whenever Tsuna manages to stop falling off a saddle, from the Chiavarone. And the peacocks and peahens from Lussuria. And the chameleon. An actual chameleon, not whatever the heck Leon is. (I still say he's a slime)

...I'm going to have to add the Vongola and their mini zoo to my list of chapters to add.


End file.
